I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
