nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
