i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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