It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
