apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
