Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
