the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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