It was confusing and full of hummus
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
