Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
