How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
