Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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