totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
