all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
