Taylor Swift is so right about you.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize