we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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