I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have tasted many bathrooms
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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