Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
