I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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