I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
