did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
