fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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