My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just invented taco cereal.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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