I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
