I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
