Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize