no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
