bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
