i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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