Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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