I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
