eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
