so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
