bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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