is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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