I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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