How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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