Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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