One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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