Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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