Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
