do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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