So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
