Your face is a jimmy john
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize