You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
