I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
