So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
