i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
