I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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