so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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