You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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