i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
