Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
