so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
