A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
