I think I am morally bankrupt
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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