Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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