How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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