Swine flu. Run for my life!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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