She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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