I would go down on you faster than GM stock
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
