I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
