I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
