well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize