i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
