You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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