he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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