I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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