youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
