i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
