Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
