remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
this hospital has no fireball
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
