like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
