I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
