I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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