i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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