I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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