she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
