The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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