I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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