if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
