Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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