He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
