You really coming over, don't trick.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
