I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
