i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
