Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
