My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you win again, gameday.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
